Jessica's Story:

Jennifer began dating Mike in the 5th grade. What began as holding hands and passing notes back and forth developed into a serious relationship by their senior year.  Over the years Mike became possessive and quick to anger.  In 6th grade he began yelling at Jennifer.  In 7th grade he pushed her.  In 8th grade he punched her for the first time, but not the last. 

Jennifer’s parents never suspected a thing.  Jennifer was good at hiding bruises and masking her emotional pain - until her senior year.  While at a party with friends, Mike accused Jennifer of “flirting” with one of his friends.  Mike became enraged and lost control.  Classmates had to step in to stop him as he began to savagely beat her.  The police were called and Mike was arrested. 

That night Jennifer tried to kill herself.  She was admitted and released from the hospital for overdosing on over-the-counter pain medication.  After a month of counseling with limited progress, Jennifer’s mom, Mary Ellen, became desperate.  Jennifer was sullen and withdrawn.  Mike had been released on bond and Mary Ellen suspected that he had been contacting Jennifer.  Mary Ellen brought Jennifer in to the HOPE Outreach Office to file a Harassment Restraining Order on Mike.  Jennifer didn’t want a restraining order, but legally her mother had the right to file on her behalf because Jennifer was a minor.  While Mary Ellen was meeting with Staci, one of HOPE’s Legal Advocates, Jennifer was introduced to Susan, HOPE’s children’s program manager. 

Susan talked with Jennifer for over an hour.  At first Jennifer refused to speak, but eventually she broke down in tears.  “I can’t sleep, I don’t feel safe and I hate myself.  He has total control over me - I might as well die” Jennifer told Susan.  Mike had been stopping by her house and threatening her while her parents were at work.  Susan talked with Jennifer about dating violence and helped Jennifer create a safety plan.  Susan invited Jennifer to participate in a weekly support group - and Jennifer came.  Every week.  At group, Jennifer made weekly goals for herself about making healthy choices, self-care, and keeping safe.  Jennifer made a list of the things she wanted in a partner (honesty, kindness, a good sense of humor), and also a list of what she didn’t (controlling, jealous, demeaning.)  For the first time, she was completely honest with her mom about what was going on, and learned to use her mom for support instead of seeing her as “interfering” in her business.

It has now been two years.  Jennifer is attending college at the U of M, and is in a healthy and supportive relationship with a young man she met in class.  “We argue, but it’s a healthy argument.  We disagree, but I’m not afraid of him - and that’s a new feeling for me.” 
Susan and the other children’s advocates still hear from Jennifer every few months.  She calls just to “check in” and let them know what is new in her life.  “I just want to let them know that I am okay, that I am making healthy choices, and that I haven’t forgotten them or how they helped me.”

Jennifer is one of over 300 youth served by HOPE Coalition every year.  These youth receive personal advocacy and lifelong mentoring to help them break the cycle of abuse.  

 

"If it weren't for the HOPE Coalition's programs, my kids and I would have been out on the street. I am so glad that they were here to help us out. I couldn't have done it without them!"

 

~HOPE Coalition Participant, 2008